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Frank T Bird
Aug 24, 20235 min read
Special K Is The Cornerstone Of Any Nutritious Breakfast
It's fucking Spring, and I need to write something I can feel the cold of the worked steel on the base of each hand. It’s what they call...
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Frank T Bird
Jun 20, 20235 min read
Are You About To Commit Suicide?
Sorry to interrupt, but there is a flaw in your plan We’d eaten chicken for dinner that night And chicken is always a damn...
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Frank T Bird
Jun 17, 20237 min read
If You Make It Through This Post Without Cancelling me, You're Better Than 90% Of Dead Beavers
It’s Friday Night, N I’m Grieving again Grieving for what, Frank? Is it still about Phillip Seymour Hoffman? Well, yeah, a little. I...
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Frank T Bird
Jun 9, 20234 min read
It's Thursday, And I'm Doin' Dem Dishes
I’m sweatin’ like a greasy peach And I’ll be honest I just got back from the shop. I’m in the middle of a few commitments, like not to...
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Frank T Bird
Jun 9, 20236 min read
America's Desperate Need To Stay On Top Is Like a Bad Joke
And the punchline is total nuclear obliteration Let’s start at the beginning. Frank, you can’t say Americans any more. It’s the United...
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Frank T Bird
Jun 2, 20235 min read
I Saw Jon Hamm Having a Wank In a Van
Use your words, Frank Last night I smacked my fucking head on the cupboard in the kitchen I was making lasagna, and my wife was drying...
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Frank T Bird
May 27, 20235 min read
Louis CK Is Back In Town
And he’s gonna stick his ginger cock in yer face again Nah, he isn’t. Cos that’s what happens. Yer learn yer lesson, and everyone moves...
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Frank T Bird
May 19, 20234 min read
A Night On The Streets
It’s the last night of the moon cycle So I’m sitting in the car counting mantras and breathing in all the winter traffic fumes cos my...
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Frank T Bird
May 17, 20233 min read
Julian Assange Is A Human Being
Our governments have no problem torturing human beings, and you could easily be next, you fuckers What do you and Julian Assange have in...
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Frank T Bird
May 16, 20234 min read
The Censorship Of Literature Is Cultural Genocide
We need to write freely, or we are doomed So, there I was, writing a chapter in my new book the other day, when I realised that to make...
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Frank T Bird
May 15, 20232 min read
AI Isn’t Coming For Our Writing Jobs, You Schmunks
Think about it, for fuck's sake Well, when I say OUR writing jobs, I’m not talking about all writers. If you are the kind of nooshball...
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Frank T Bird
May 14, 20232 min read
Fuck Me, I Hate Marketing
You know Frank, good writers are good marketers these days Fuck you. In 1995 I wrote a strongly worded article in which I announced to...
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Frank T Bird
May 10, 20234 min read
Why Are Buddhists Worshipping All These Gods?
Its a fair question and one that deserves a decent answer Buddhism has always had a reputation for being the most non-religious of the...
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Frank T Bird
May 10, 20232 min read
My new book is now available for purchasing/stealing
Well, ain’t that the opposite of a clickbait title? Nothing stops a writer from clicking on another writer’s blog post, like the mention...
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Frank T Bird
Apr 21, 20233 min read
But, Mother, What If Artificial Intelligence Destroys This Utopia Humans Have Built For Ourselves?
All of this work to create a perfect society, and it could be gone just like that. I used Chat GPT the other day. And honestly, its...
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Frank T Bird
Apr 11, 20234 min read
Dear Americans, Your Country Is An Empty Vehicle For Corporate Fulfillment
And it’s about to become very obvious Have you ever seen a pantomime? It’s a traditional British farcical stage show where fat, washed-up...
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Frank T Bird
May 26, 20226 min read
I Joined The Mile High Club With Myself
I get paranoid about flying, okay? It’s not about crashing. I couldn’t give two shites about head butting the ground at sixteen million...
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Frank T Bird
May 13, 20225 min read
The Utter Lunacy Of The Military-Industrial Complex
While corporations make billion-dollar profits in war, our world will never find peace Some idiots on Twitter are celebrating cos Putin...
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Frank T Bird
Apr 23, 20226 min read
Fear and Loathing At St Andrew's
My friends and I took a trip at the home of golf It’s ten am at Golf Mecca. I meet up with Gary and Tim. We take selfies to start the day...
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Frank T Bird
Jan 7, 20226 min read
Three Ways To Be a Better Husband
And no, getting a fucking six-pack isn't one of them 1. Stop Begging for Sex Is there anything more pathetic than a guy begging for his...
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Frank T Bird
Nov 30, 20214 min read
Colonic Irrigation is a Fucking Nightmare
Imagine needing to shit worse than you ever have in your whole life The first time I got it done, I was in Bangkok. It was part of a...
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