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  • Writer's pictureFrank T Bird

Louis CK Is Back In Town

And he’s gonna stick his ginger cock in yer face again

Nah, he isn’t. Cos that’s what happens. Yer learn yer lesson, and everyone moves on, right?

If he did, though, how funny would that be?

Not funny, Frank

Alright, alright, cool yer Y-FRONTS.

Look, I, for one, am happy to see Louis CK back. His show Louis was terrific, and he is an all-around hilarious guy. So he wanked off in front of a couple of women. Let’s face it. It’s not the worst fucking thing a celebrity has done. And many of them wander around without ever seeing a drop in accountability.


Look at all the rock stars that have shagged thousands of people. I’m sure many of those people were well under the age of consent. We praise those legends, still going in their seventies. But they’re already bad boys, you see. To cancel them wouldn’t be newsworthy. The Christians have been trying to cancel many of them for decades.

I can only speak for men of my generation in that we were brought up as absolutely clueless regarding sex and women.

Well, that’s no excuse, Frank.

It fucking is, actually.

You might think that men like Louis are all power-hungry chauvinists that want to dominate the weaker sex because thinking that way makes things easier. Blanket hatred is much simpler than acknowledging the incredibly unique and various conditioning of humans based on our own exclusive histories.


But none of us truly knows what’s going on in Louis’ head because none of us are Louis. But if we were to judge him, nobody can judge him better than blokes my age because he is of our gender and our generation. And we intuitively understand patterns in people because we have been there and done that.




Anyone who thinks Louis wanking in front of his colleagues is about power is fucking delusional.

You want to say it’s a power thing because it makes Louis seem more unworthy of consideration. You want to make him into Weinstein. But he isn’t Weinstein. He isn’t an evil man. And men like Louis CK don’t give a fuck about power.

It’s a horny thing and nothing more.

And I don’t give a fuck if you think it’s an excuse, but I’m telling you that men like us were never taught that flashing cock to a woman was stepping over any lines. Unbelievable right?

And I hear ya — we should just know.

Oh yeah, instinctively, we should just know. And if this were some dumb fucking Hollywood romcom, we might. But it isn’t.

  • We should also just know that buying electronic devices supports the highly unethical lithium industry.

  • We should also just know that the steak we are eating comes from the side of a being that was tortured in hell for weeks in order for us to say, ‘Well, will you look at that char — and the seasoning — ’ while ejaculating in our culinary g-strings.

  • We should also just know that narratives about war are driven by a bunch of knobheads in suits in a boardroom somewhere looking at pie charts, but we don’t.

  • We should also just know that eating Mcdonalds' is like swallowing poison. But we don’t.

Education matters, you fuckers

My sex education was a pencil drawing in the Encyclopedia Brittanica and an old VHS that we got from my mate Danny’s brother called ‘Two Cocks and One Hole.”


And I’ll be honest. Back in the nineties, flashing one’s cock seemed like nothing more than mischievously bold fun.


And because we didn’t have the education to tell us otherwise, we assumed women thought about sex the same way we did.


How would a man feel if he walked into a room and a woman was fingering herself?

Would he run away screaming trauma? Would he cry and rock in the shower while on the phone with his psychologist?


No. He would enjoy the experience, especially if the woman involved was a ginger.

And I’m not saying it’s wrong for some women to feel shitty about it. I’m just saying men don’t get traumatised by those things. They enjoy them, and until recently, most men probably thought that women would think about it the same way as them.

Only recently have we become enlightened about how big a difference one slippery chromosome makes.



Don’t believe for one minute that Louis didn’t think the women weren’t turned on by his actions

There isn’t a man in the world that would want to flash his cock to a woman that was genuinely disgusted by it.

It’s bad for the ego, you see.

And look, I still reckon that at least some women would get turned on by the spontaneous sight of Louis twirling his ginger worm.


Perhaps he just should have done more research and obtained written consent in advance, although you could argue that might take the horniness out of it.


As Margaret Thatcher once said,

“There’s nothing worse than a flasher with a limp cock.”

Anyway, no doubt Louis has learned his lesson, and I’m glad to see him back.

And even if you are a female who doesn’t like gingers or flashers, you should understand that the best allies are people like Louis — men who have been on the other side of the curtain, show remorse for their actions and prove to the world that it’s possible to change.

Because surely, you want sleazy men to get better, right? Surely you wouldn’t want them to stay the same? Right?

And those phantom allies stood next to you who bag out those same sleazy men and claim to have never done anything remotely transgressive in their sad lives are full of shit.

They are worse because they are shit scared of being judged as a bad person, so they refuse to acknowledge their dark side, instead letting it fester in their stomachs, ready for the next life.


And all the while subconsciously or consciously believing that being an ally to all women might help them get laid.


Trust me when I say you would rather be stood next to someone who has been there, understands their disease, has faced up to their past, and has made wholehearted attempts to heal themselves.


Louis CK is not an evil man. The men who get turned on by having power over women — well, you can tell who they are. They have a smell about them and a specific look. Go stand in a bar, and you will notice them. They’re the ones you spontaneously want to punch in the teeth.


That’s not Louis. He is just a pervy ginger bastard. And if he does do another flash parade, I will have mixed feelings. On the one hand, it’s like — well, fuck, I guess that really is his thing, or he just wanted to stick it to the cancel culture fuckers, or he really just loves flashing his cock.


But for now, we’ll assume he’s all better and ready to just think about flashing while he wanks off instead. I mean, it’s not like there is a shortage of exhibitionist porn and all that.

So welcome back, Louis.


Right, who’s next?


Spacey?


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