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Matthew Goinski's avatar

So, my phone died. I plug it in to the charger and go about my business completing some household chores.

A short time later I retrieve my phone, press the power button and what is the first thing that pops up?

A large notification that says "I'm Pimping Out My Anus To Pay An Editor".

Well played, Mr. Bird, well played.

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Frank T Bird's avatar

Amazing what AI marketing can do, MG :)

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Henrik Hageland's avatar

Well - maybe you could try this: https://www.humanmicrobes.org/donors - at last earning real money out your anus 🤣, no shit - they really pay! I love your way of telling the facts!!

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Frank T Bird's avatar

Appreciate it, HH 🍀

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Matthew Goinski's avatar

Your anus got top billing over the death of the Iranian president. Something is working for you. Although I suspect whatever algorithm guides my notifications needs adjustment.

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overflowing ashtray's avatar

I paid because I don't want you to go near a fucking editor. I know you're old enough and wise enough to push back, and only put the coconut oil reference in there to entrap the naïve into making mention of your prior experience in the matter. But I shall not fall for that! [tee hee]

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Maryan Pelland Pen2Profit's avatar

We editors thank you.

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Frank T Bird's avatar

😆

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Dave's avatar

eek

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Frank T Bird's avatar

Thanks again. Ashtray, ya bastard 🍀

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Dave's avatar

I peeked through a glory hole in your paywall and thought I saw you shagging Tim Denning in the bum.

That's it?

Yup, that's all I have to say. Isn't it enough? If I said that on Starfire Codes it would be too much. It would be free content and she wouldn't even thank me.

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Chris Andrews's avatar

lol

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Dave's avatar

As an example of how you need more typos, here's one that's in my feed right now and is getting more likes than your typo-deficient brews:

In Sweden, "over 68.000 women are reported to have been genially mutilated.”

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Dave's avatar

An editor's just gonna tell you what Tim Denning would: you need typos. If you don't have typos, it's like you're saying you're better than the reader, and readers tend not to forgive that sort of thing. Don't overdo it. Denning seems to recommend no more than one per paragraph (his paragraphs are short), and maybe a doozy in your title every fifth time or so. And cool it with the sublety. [see what I did there?] Any editor worth her salt's gonna just go through with a red pen and get rid of entendres that are triple and higher. It's doobles in the entendre department, that's what sells. If you make a joke, say lol to cue the reader. If you pun, say pun intended. Typos, doobles, joke cues, and you're good to go. Though of course by the time you've added all that in to please the editor, you could just get Chat four oh to peck it out for you. And obviously you need to change your picture to that of a young black woman with street cred and no kids, though you can leave the wife you have in place because lez action's still acceptable. Have I left anything out?

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Dave's avatar

"Were" instead of "we're" is an excellent place to start if you're a beginner in the typo department. I got one a them in my feed right now. In a title.

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Dave's avatar

I have a payfield. It's like a paywall but more sideways.

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Dave's avatar

Thanks for the offer but I'm just going to wait and see if Betsy comes out alive. If I hang around by the door here I get a bunch of free metaphors, most of them excellent.

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Dave's avatar

I tried that "share comment" thingie for the first time. Probably didn't work but I started with this worthy quote:

[hello?]

Hmm. I guess we're not allowed to copy. Okay, let's try this from memory: "I have decided...something something...oh yeah, I have decided to write a shit ton or tonne on this platform before it becomes something. Right, the best bit: before it becomes an abandoned playground [pretty good image] plus there's a slash that involved Medium having gone defunct and now being turned into another good image, right, a new office building. Which is a pretty good slam." [inspired by a real quotation]

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User's avatar
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May 20, 2024
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Frank T Bird's avatar

Really grateful for your support, K 🍀

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Frank T Bird's avatar

As is my saint of a wife 😆

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Dave's avatar

Money well spent. One of the highest ideas-to-typos [numerator-to-denominator] ratios out there. And he's liked by Overflowing Ashtray, who basically doesn't like anybody.

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Dave's avatar

'fact, I don't remember any typo whatsoever. Though that might be more about my memory than the lack of clutter in his lines.

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