The coolest guy I ever met was named Steve. I was about 28 at the time, he was nearing 40 and looked my age because he had been a vegetarian since he was 9 years old. He smoked 2 packs of Marb Reds a day and would only drink two things: fresh hand squeezed Florida orange juice (we lived in Tampa so there were plenty of fresh organic oranges) and whiskey. Specifically the top shelf Jack Daniels type that was aged for 10 years in an oak barrel. Back then it was close to $50 a bottle and he polished one of these off daily. He worked at the telemarketing company I co-managed. He was our top rep even though he only worked for an hour or two a day. He would walk in wearing his leather duster and bondage pants like he stepped out of a 1980's depeche mode or bauhaus video - even though it was around 2010 - while the rest of us were forced to wear a suit and tie. somehow HR let him slide while the rest of us wondered how the hell he talked them into allowing it. he was as pale as rice paper even though we lived in one of the sunniest places on the planet. he was always outside so it wasn't like he shunned the sun, he just somehow never tanned. He made around 2 grand a week and somehow was always broke. His tiny apartment lacked any furniture except a bed and a few handmade tables and a bookshelf that he had imported from Tibet. They cost more than I made in a year. He never watched TV, had no idea how to get on the 'internet'. In fact, he barely knew what it was. He was so good at his job telemarketing that the company hired a girl just to do data entry specifically for his orders because he said he would quit if he had to use one of them 'damn devil boxes'. Every Friday, we would go to a strip club after eating dinner at a vegetarian Indian restaurant, go to a jazz bar where we would smoke $50 cigars while watching the half-drunk, thin and exotic looking woman in the slinky party dress coo over the microphone - even though we both hated jazz... or we would just call up a few high end call girls, get an ounce of coke, and spend the next 2 days blowing lines off their tight, nubile bodies without ever having had sex with any of them. I always wondered what happened to the guy. My guess is, he had an IQ near 200, was not born on this world, and went back to whatever planet he came from because the dude was way too cool to be a normal human being.
My son, who may seem unusual to many, never had any friends. Even his sibs dissed him often. I had to watch this over and over, everywhere we went - him being ignored.
I had to hear his late-night cries over the constant rejection.
But you know what- he treats everyone like gold. There's not a mean, angry bone in his body. He is the sweetest, coolest cat I know.
Ah shit. Thanks, Delaney. Look, it's important you read it all the way through, okay? As one editor said as he reached the sixty per cent point, 'Nothing is really happening, Frank' ;)
I think a "Be Like Clive' T-shirt would be cool as fuck.
The coolest guy I ever met was named Steve. I was about 28 at the time, he was nearing 40 and looked my age because he had been a vegetarian since he was 9 years old. He smoked 2 packs of Marb Reds a day and would only drink two things: fresh hand squeezed Florida orange juice (we lived in Tampa so there were plenty of fresh organic oranges) and whiskey. Specifically the top shelf Jack Daniels type that was aged for 10 years in an oak barrel. Back then it was close to $50 a bottle and he polished one of these off daily. He worked at the telemarketing company I co-managed. He was our top rep even though he only worked for an hour or two a day. He would walk in wearing his leather duster and bondage pants like he stepped out of a 1980's depeche mode or bauhaus video - even though it was around 2010 - while the rest of us were forced to wear a suit and tie. somehow HR let him slide while the rest of us wondered how the hell he talked them into allowing it. he was as pale as rice paper even though we lived in one of the sunniest places on the planet. he was always outside so it wasn't like he shunned the sun, he just somehow never tanned. He made around 2 grand a week and somehow was always broke. His tiny apartment lacked any furniture except a bed and a few handmade tables and a bookshelf that he had imported from Tibet. They cost more than I made in a year. He never watched TV, had no idea how to get on the 'internet'. In fact, he barely knew what it was. He was so good at his job telemarketing that the company hired a girl just to do data entry specifically for his orders because he said he would quit if he had to use one of them 'damn devil boxes'. Every Friday, we would go to a strip club after eating dinner at a vegetarian Indian restaurant, go to a jazz bar where we would smoke $50 cigars while watching the half-drunk, thin and exotic looking woman in the slinky party dress coo over the microphone - even though we both hated jazz... or we would just call up a few high end call girls, get an ounce of coke, and spend the next 2 days blowing lines off their tight, nubile bodies without ever having had sex with any of them. I always wondered what happened to the guy. My guess is, he had an IQ near 200, was not born on this world, and went back to whatever planet he came from because the dude was way too cool to be a normal human being.
My son, who may seem unusual to many, never had any friends. Even his sibs dissed him often. I had to watch this over and over, everywhere we went - him being ignored.
I had to hear his late-night cries over the constant rejection.
But you know what- he treats everyone like gold. There's not a mean, angry bone in his body. He is the sweetest, coolest cat I know.
Great article. Just followed you on Amazon.
Melbs the hipster poison apple orchard
Not wrong 😎
Currently reading The Edge Of The Sun
Ah shit. Thanks, Delaney. Look, it's important you read it all the way through, okay? As one editor said as he reached the sixty per cent point, 'Nothing is really happening, Frank' ;)
I'm not going to DNF you. I've never DNFd you.
I always have stay to see how weird it gets.
🙏
I've been admiring your writing from afar. I'm pretty sure I'm married to Clive. It's the innocence that gets me.
The coolest expression of the bhodisattva vow I’ve read in a long time. Love your work FTB…
good one FTB. I had to grow into my Cliveness. It took time. But the true geniuses are the ones who Clive'd when they were young.
It’s my experience that you can GIVE advice to teenagers but they won’t HEAR it for at least twenty years.
Cool 😎